Crap, everytime I talk to Matt or Dad in Idaho I feel like balling my eyes out. Matt brought up me coming down in the summer and- I think I will right a pro-con list. Already I know there are more pros.
Pro:
1. Thinking about other people besides myself:
-Granpa Jacky has cancer and my great-grandmother is ninety-six; I should see them when I can.
-Sue, Matt,Dad-I love them all so much and they enter such a small part of my life
2. People:
-I could get to know Christine better
-I would get to spend time with Jan,Pat, and Jaylynn as well as see Shelby every now and then
-Grandma and Grandpa
-Aunt Lori
3. I could easily get an eight to five job there and Matt said he could drive me.
Dad would let me work for him in a second
4. I know it is the right thing but I have been resisting
5. Ministry field
6. Bless others with my presence
7. Have money from job and it would be easier to get a job there
8. Warm weather, properly landscaped surroundings, gorgeous canyon to walk in, trips to the south hills and the cabin, coy
9. A better relationship with Sue
10. I really want to, outside of obligation
11. really, I would be bored out of my mind if I stayed up here.

Cons:
1. Not seeing my friends
2. Could be spiritually draining
3. Not attending church
4. really, I have no excuse

I felt horribly guilty about not going down in the spring. I have to go in the summer and really, thats not a bad thing. Over have of my family is down there and I feel horrible when I hardly know them and what is going on in their lives. I have been thinking only of myself when it comes going down. I feel better knowing what I need to do. And who cares if I have doubts sometimes.


~ ~ ~ ~

Other things:
-Earlier this week I had a crying/mental breakdown because I felt wierd and self conscious and wierd. There was probably some other stuff.
-Some ladies from church blessed us with food for the week
-I started 1984 and it is weird.
-At the moment I don't have much to say, I'm tired and slightly drained so I'll go.

Gabby :)